Of Mummies and Spaniards
by three-days-late
Summary: Egypt wants his mummies back, but that doesn't really have anything to do with Spain now does it?


**Guess what it's rare-pair Wednesday I've decided just now! \o/ Anyway, I came across this old thing doing my summer computer file cleaning and realized I never posted it here. A few years ago on livejournal there was a Hetalia Crackship Contest festival thing. Point is I wrote this for that, and now I'm posting it here for you to read.**

 **Enjoy.**

* * *

He sighed before picking up his phone and dialing the number he knew so well by now.

" _United Kingdom residence, England speaking_ ," the voice at the other end said.

"I want my mummies back."

He heard the other nation choked on what he assumed (correctly) to be tea. " _W-who may I ask is speaking?_ "

He knows he knows who it is, after all his are the only mummies in the other's possession, but answers anyway, "Egypt. May I have my mummies back now?"

" _This is a bit short notice Egypt,_ " he wonders when several hundred phone calls suddenly became short notice, but doesn't say anything, " _I-I can't just give them to you right now you know…paper work needs to be filed for the transfer and all that…but I will get on it…as soon as I can…maybe…_ "

"I can come pick them up."

" _No no! That is completely unnecessary! You shouldn't have to fly all the way up here for this…I'll send them down to you…someday…"_

"You're not doing anything today. You can get on it."

" _Actually America was planning on-"_

"Visiting Canada."

" _So France was going to-_ "

"Hang out with Prussia."

" _And Japan was thinking about-_ "

"Spending the weekend locked in his room, alone, catching up on his video games," he made sure to check with them all beforehand; he had him this time, "So you'll give me my mummies back, right?"

" _Oh, I think I hear Sealand at the door. We'll talk about this some other time okay? Bye!"_ With that he hung up.

So close. He hadn't anticipated him using Sealand.

And so, Egypt started another routine day.

* * *

" _Hola Egipto_!" A voice far too cheerful for Egypt's liking called out as he was leaving for his daily walk with Anubis. For some reason Spain had been showing up at his house everyday for the past few weeks with churros for no other reason than "It's so warm at your house." Of course it's warm, he lived in the desert, but he never actually said this to him. Actually, he never said anything to him, which was fine, because Spain did enough talking for both of them. At first he was a bit irritated at him for forcing his company on him, but after a while he didn't really mind. It was nice having someone else with you in the desert, even if that someone was rather annoying.

"Ah, it's sunny at your place again!" Spain said after jogging to catch up with him, "It must be nice to bask in the sun all day!"

 _It's lovely until you realize you're dehydrating._

"I found the strangest looking tomato the other day. I wanted to keep it to show you, but Romano punched me in the stomach for being an idiot. I wonder why he did that…"

 _Probably because you were being an idiot._

"France was over yesterday. We were reminiscing about the good old days…do you remember those times?"

 _You mean when I was controlled by England and pillaged by just about everyone?_

"That's right; you were controlled by England and pillaged by just about everyone…so I guess they would be the not-so-good days for you."

Egypt stopped and blinked. This was the first time in all of Spain's nonsensical rambling that he had actually taken his feelings into account. It was…strange. Not a bad kind of strange, just…strange.

Spain had stopped after a few steps and looked back when he realized his companion was missing. "Something wrong?"

Egypt shook his head and they continued their walk.

* * *

" _You see, Russia and I have…to do…something. It's very important. So I would love to take the time to send your mummies back, but I can't today. Perhaps some other time…"_

Damn, Russia. He wasn't expecting him to use Russia as an excuse, so he hadn't bothered checking. "Maybe tomorrow."

" _Yes! Tomorrow! I will definitely get on it tomorrow for you!_ " They both knew he wouldn't. " _Cheerio!_ "

Egypt sighed before hanging up the phone.

* * *

He decided to go to the pyramids today, not to show them to Spain or anything, he just wanted to go to the pyramids, and if Spain followed, than he followed, and if not…well, it didn't matter, because he just wanted to go to the pyramids.

"Wow they're so big!" Spain exclaimed. "They're the last ancient wonder still standing right? They're really impressive!"

Other nations had complemented him on his pyramids before with almost the exact same lines, but Spain saying it was somehow different. When Greece had said it, it was with a competitive manner. When England had said it, it was with a tone of possession. But when Spain said it, there was something in there he couldn't place.

"Thanks for letting me come here Egypt. I've always wanted to see them!" There it was again. Maybe it was just the smile. His was much brighter than any of the others.

Egypt led him inside to explore the catacombs with him. He really shouldn't have; he knew how idiotic he was and it was only a matter of time before he set off one of his mother's traps.

"Wow, it's even more amazing on the inside! How did your mother build all of this?"

 _Thousands of skilled workers and some very complicated math, but it's not worth getting into now…isn't that the spot where the floor collapses?_

"Look out!" Egypt shouted, quickly grabbing the other nation's wrist just as the floor gave out below him. Spain kicked useless in the air for a bit before grabbing on to Egypt's other hand and was pulled to safety.

"Be careful."

Spain stared at him for a bit before smiling a ten thousand watt smile and saying, "Yes, of course!" as if almost plunging to your death was the greatest thing in the world.

Then Egypt realized that that was the first time he actually spoke to the other, so he blushed and turned around quickly to guide their way through the rest of the pyramid, making sure Spain stayed right behind him.

* * *

" _You see, Ireland was, um, planning on coming down for a visit, so…_ "

"You'd rather play host to Ireland than give me my mummies?"

" _Yes-no! No, not at all, it's just that we're brothers, and you know how it is…"_

Considering he's an only child? No, not quite, but England knew that, "How about tomorrow?"

" _Yes, most certainly, I shall get on it tomorrow._ " And he hung up.

* * *

He didn't know why he was at Spain's house. Yes it was weird that the endless chattering in his ear suddenly wasn't there anymore, but still, that was no reason to travel across the Mediterranean. Spain only had a cold after all. His being there wasn't going to change anything.

Besides, it was Romano who answered the door.

"Hm? Egypt? What do you want? That bastard's sick today, you know.

 _I know that…what did I want anyway?_

"Lovino…" Spain coughed as he appeared at the door as well, "Who…is it…?"

"Jackass! Get back to bed, it's just Egypt!"

"Egypt?" Spain seemed to brighten up considerably at that. "Let him in…I wanna see him…"

"Antonio…" Romano grumbled, "Fine, but only if you go back to bed!"

"Thanks Lovi…" Spain grabbed Egypt's hand and guided him through the house.

"Oh, you've finally come over and I can't even give you the grand tour…we could have gone to Barcelona or Pamplona to see the bulls…maybe next time…"

"Romano…"

"Hm? Oh, _si_ _si_ ," Spain had been getting better at reading the meaning behind his few words, "Lovino is my little henchman, and I'm his beloved Boss, so he's taking care of me! Isn't that nice of him?"

Egypt didn't respond; he didn't have to, so Spain kept talking about everything he'd want to do with Egypt at his house once he got better.

After he got settled back in bed with Egypt sitting in a nearby chair, Spain looked him over and blushed, which was weird, because he was convinced Spain was incapable of being embarrassed.

"Um, you know…you could call me Antonio, if you wanted…"

He was getting _much_ better at reading him, and Egypt wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing yet, but it did make his stomach feel weird.

The only other nation he had felt close enough with to consider using human names was Greece, who as the eternal philosopher, didn't care either way. It felt awkward though, so he just stuck to Greece.

"…Gupta."

"Ah, really? That's a nice name…Gupta…I like it…"

"…Get some sleep."

" _Si_ …will you be here when I wake up, Gupta?"

"If you want me to…"

" _Si si_! I would like that very much…"

* * *

" _Ah, you see, um, Spain was going to come over and-_ "

"No he's not."

" _Of course he is! He's on his way right now to talk about trade._ "

"He's here."

" _W-what's that Egypt? I'm going through a tunnel…you're breaking up…_ "

"I called your house phone." A pregnant pause for all of five seconds, and England hung up.

* * *

"Good morning Gupta!" Spain yawned when he emerged from his bedroom. He had stayed over late last night, so instead of letting the scatter-brained nation try to find his way home in the dark, Egypt decided to just let him stay here.

Spain walked into the kitchen and started raiding his fridge and cupboards. "I'll make us breakfast to thank you for letting me stay last night!"

"That's fine," Egypt hung up the phone and walked into the kitchen.

Spain enjoyed rambling when he cooked, which really shouldn't be surprising, since he enjoyed rambling when he was doing just about anything, but it was warm and pleasant and nice to listen too, and Egypt found himself smiling slightly as the other went on about his tomato harvest.

"Who was that on the phone?" He asked when he handed Egypt some coffee and a plate of churros.

"England," he bit into the sugary churro. It was delicious, just like everything else Spain made for him.

"Eh? Really? What did he want?" He sat across from him looking on with concern.

"Nothing," Egypt took a sip of coffee before explaining, "I just want my mummies back."

"I doubt he'll ever give those back…"

"I know. I still try though, on the off chance he's feeling generous or his hangover's bad enough to not care."

Spain chuckled at that before his face got somber. "He…destroyed my Armada…had his pirates attack me and claimed to know nothing about it…"

 _I know, I heard._ "I'm sorry about that."

He shook his head. "No, it's not your fault. It's just…I really hope you do get your mummies back someday…" He looked up, smile back on his face where it belonged. "But enough about that, what do you want to do today?"

* * *

" _United Kingdom residence, this is Wales._ "

Huh, that was weird. Sometimes one of the other UK siblings answered the phone instead of England, but it still didn't stop it from being weird when it happened.

"Is England there?"

" _He's a bit busy at the moment. May I ask whose calling?_ "

'Busy' in this context usually means 'hung-over,' which is a shame, because that's usually when England is the most cooperative.

"Egypt. Tell him I want my mummies back."

" _Will do."_ Suddenly a crash was heard in the background, followed by some shouting. " _Sorry, I've got to go…WOULD YOU PUT THAT SHEEP DOWN!?_ " The line was disconnected shortly after that.

Today was going to be weird, Egypt just knew it.

* * *

Spain wasn't waiting when Egypt left that morning, which actually was disappointing. He tried calling his house when he got back, but received no answer. He asked around to see if he was sick again, but no, everyone said he was fine, and no, no one had seen him.

At around midnight, there was knocking on his door. Annoyed that someone would disturb him at this hour, Egypt answered the door with the full intention on slamming it in whoever's face, but stopped when he realized it was Spain. A battered and bruised Spain, but Spain nonetheless.

"Antonio…what happened?"

"H-hey Gupta…sorry I couldn't…come by today…" he staggered forward causing the other to catch him and bring him inside.

After making sure Spain stayed put in the chair he put him in and grabbing some medical supplies, Egypt had to ask, "Who did this?"

"Hm? Oh, England…but it's fine. I'm okay…"

 _You don't look okay._ "Why?" he asked as he stared bandaging up the hurt nation.

"I-it's fine…I was breaking in to his museum, so he attacked me. He had every right to…"

"Why?" he asked as he tightened a bandage around a nasty looking shoulder wound.

"Well…I was breaking and entering…and stealing, I suppose…"

The bandage was tied a little too tight. _You know what I mean._

Spain hissed. "Ah, well, I was trying to get some of your mummies back…"

What? That made no sense; they meant nothing to Spain, and out of all the nations, he knew what England was capable of when angry. Why?

"Sorry," he went on, "I…know they mean a lot to you…but I couldn't get them back…"

He was cut off when Egypt suddenly wrapped his arms around him, gently though, so as not to hurt him further.

"You didn't have to do that."

"I…I wanted to," Spain absently traced random patterns on Egypt's hands. "I like seeing you happy, Gupta. I…I love you," he admitted softly, "and I don't want to see you sad, not because of England."

Oh, well, that made sense, he supposed. It would explain everything that's been going on anyway.

He squeezed Spain a little tighter. "I love you too, Antonio, but don't do anything stupid like this again. It's not worth it."

Spain grinned and leaned back against Egypt. "If you say so…"

* * *

" _United Kingdom residence, England speaking."_

"Hola mi amigo!"

" _Spain what do you want?_ "

"Nothing…so I was talking to Romano the other day-"

" _Fascinating, why don't you tell someone who actually cares?"_

"-and he was telling me about how some of his mafia friends were thinking about traveling to England soon…"

" _Pardon?_ "

"Yeah, they said they wanted to see the mummies and everything. Romano was about to tell them to go to France instead, but don't worry, because I told them how much you love having tourists! Isn't that great? And they listen to me, so I guess you'll be having some guests coming! Isn't that great?"

"… _What do you want?_ "

"Hm? Why whatever do you mean?"

" _Don't play dumb, you know what I'm asking!"_

"I want you to give Egypt back his mummies."

"… _No seriously, what do you want?_ "

"I am being serious."

" _That is a private matter between me and him! You have nothing to do with this!_ "

"They were actually going to call their friends and family in America too, you know, the mafia, and make it some kind of a family reunion. Now I've never been to a mafia family reunion, but I bet its loads of fun!"

" _You…fine! I draw up the paperwork tomorrow._ "

"Today."

"… _Fine, today. But why don't you recommend France for Romano's friends instead? I hear it's lovely this time of year._ "

"Oh si, very lovely. Talk to you later. Adios!" He hung up the phone and grinned.

"And that is how you negotiate with England."


End file.
